I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
