i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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