Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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