If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
