I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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