Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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