my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Use "feeling words"
Yay
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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