Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
