I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
