He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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