tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
