Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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