I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
