Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
