my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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