You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
