oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
