You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
how drunk are you?
Several
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize