People in love make me want to vomit
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Randomize