Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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