I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
We have so much sex to catch up on
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
