My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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