Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Randomize
