He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
