3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
