It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
