I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
