whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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