they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize