and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize