I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
