He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize