Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
