Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
