I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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