dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
