Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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