Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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