Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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