i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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