We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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