so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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