If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
