when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Randomize
