please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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