Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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