apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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