i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
