Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
