I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
