i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
