I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
