I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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