I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
