This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I love you. Go after that dick
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