the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
