True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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