just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
