I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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