I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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