You're so nebulous sometimes
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
