It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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