I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
